33 ways to heal a broken heart

Relationships are the number one way we grow as souls and break ups have got to be the most challenging, especially around all the fluffy hype of the dreaded V Day!

Below is a list of my top 33 ways to heal a broken heart. If you’re recovering from the ending of a relationship, or any ending that is painful, I hope these suggestions help. If you’re loved up, and want to support a friend who is currently healing, forward this post to them. Okay, here goes:

1. Remind yourself that your soul is growing in leaps and bounds. Our soul grows the most when it is cracked open. The more pain you are in right now, the bigger the opportunity for growth.

2. Feel it all. In order for healing to happen, you need to feel your feelings instead of push them down (if you push them down, they’ll come back to bite you down the track). If you have kids or a job that requires you to get on with things and you need to switch off your feelings, put aside at least 10 minutes each day to let your feelings bubble up without judgment. Journaling can help this. Plain old crying is good too.

3. Absolute Rose Oil is A-MAZING for a heavy heart. You’ll only need the tiniest bit on your finger (less than a drop). Massage onto the front and back of your heart, solar plexus and throat every morning. It’ll encourage your heart to stay open instead of closing up.
4. Buy yourself flowers. Peonies are the best healers. I think they might actually have magical powers. Watching them courageously open and then open some more will encourage your heart to do the same. If you can’t find peonies, pink roses are wonderfully healing too. Surround yourself with them. If you can only afford one stem, put it by your bed or on your desk and let this beautiful gift from nature work its magic.
   
5. Surround yourself with rose quartz. Like rose oil this baby is great for protecting your heart in a strong yet gentle way. Put it under your pillow while you sleep, on your bedside table, on your window sill, on your desk at work, get a rose quartz pendant to hang near your heart. When anyone of my friends goes through a dark night of the soul, rose quartz is one of the first things I give them.
6. Put your passion into a passion project. Endings are invitations for a new beginning. If you have something you’ve always wanted to do, create or share, now’s the time to do it. The best creations were born out of a seeming loss. This website is one of them.
7. Lovables list. Write a list of all the things that are awesome about you. At the top of the page write “Rebecca’s (insert name here) Lovables”. Number 1-20 and fill it out. Read your Lovables daily. Especially when doubting or feeling sorry for yourself.
8. Reasons why list. Write a list of all the reasons why your previous relationship did not work. Read daily. Refer to list before texting the ex.
   
9. Unfriend, block, delete. Agree on a set time for you and your ex to cease all contact. 6 months is a good amount of time. If you plan on being friends again you’ll both need time apart to redefine the relationship and give your future friendship its best shot.

10. Get a yourself a nanna blanket. Do not underestimate the power of this one. I bought myself a second-hand baby pink hand made vintage nanna blanket from Colmbia Rd flower markets in 2011. Wrapping myself in it was so nurturing and healing. Inner child central.

11. Turn your bedroom into a sacred place. Go to sleep with the warm light of electronic candles, fairy lights and essential oils on your pillow. And when you do, stretch out and relish in all of that extra space.
    

12. Get rid of physical reminders. Old photos, cards, t-shirts and boxes. Physical objects hold energetic ties and if you are wanting to move on, you don’t want that stuff in your space. As hard as it is, give your whole house (especially the bedroom) an overhaul. Chuck out whatever does not make you feel good and anything that makes you miss the relationship. Cut those cords babes.
    

13. Avoid loved up couples. If you’re finding it hard to hang out with overly loved up couples, don’t judge yourself. Tell your friends that right now it’s just too hard for you, if they’re a good enough friend they will understand and not bring their plus one alone when you need to have girl time.

14. Ask for support. Your best friends will want to support you but most won’t know how. Instead of waiting for them to read your mind, get clear on what you need to feel supported and speak up.

15. Meditate. Transform your heartbreak into higher love with the power of meditation. You can check out my free Light Bathing Meditation here; it’s a great one for a regular practice.
    

16. Get mad. If you feel rage, express it. Scream, kick, write, do whatever you need to get the anger out. Anger is a good sign. It means the emotion is moving.

17. Create a Spotify playlist and dance it out (I recommend Florence, Taylor Swift, Beyonce, Fleetwood, Janis and Alanis). If a love song comes on, sing it to yourself.

18. Clear your physical space with sacred smoke – I recommend using dried plants that are local to where you live; you could even forage your own. One of my favourites for cleansing is sage, which I grow in my garden and then dry.
    

19. Buy new sheets and bedding. If you have the resources, you could even buy a whole new bed.

20. Don’t rush into anything. The person you will attract now will be completely different to the person you will attract when you are in a good space and love yourself completely. Don’t cling to someone because you feel like you need to be in a relationship. Instead, consider healing that part of you that believes it needs someone/something in order to feel whole.

21. Get an ‘I love me’ ring. Buy yourself a ring that symbolizes the love you have for yourself, or hope to have with yourself. It doesn’t need to be expensive. You could even write vows to yourself and your healing. Think of it as a union with your soul.
    

22. Dial a friend. When you are thinking of dialing your ex, have a friend who you dial instead. You could tell them “I’m about to do something stupid, intervention needed” etc.

23. Get hugged. We are pack animals, we are not meant to go at it alone. When a relationship ends one of the things we lose is the constant human touch. When your friends and family ask you what they can do, instead of answering ‘nothing’, ask them for a hug. It makes a difference. If you can’t think of anyone to hug, hang out with a kid and ask them for one. They give the best hugs ever!

24. Book a massage. If you can’t get yourself hugged, get yourself a massage. When I broke up with my ex I was living on the other side of the planet from most of my family and friends. Because getting hugs was harder than normal I booked myself a massage every Saturday. Bliss.

25. Let people look after you. When I was going through a break up I didn’t know how to let people help me. The fact of the matter is that when you are in mourning, there is nothing that anyone can do to make it better. But they can make you a cup of tea or dinner, or watch Sister Act 1 and 2. Don’t deny them that gift, let them hang and look after you.

26. Lessons learned. Write down all of the things that you learned from the relationship. The good and the bad. How you grew and what you know you don’t want anymore in your life.

27. If you have a bathtub, take regular bubble baths. Fill your bath with luxurious essential oils like ylang ylang, 500g of Epsom salt (you can buy this from your local independent pharmacy) and rose petals (these don’t have to be new, a week or so old is perfect; that way you get to enjoy them first).If you don’t have a tub, you could use a basin to give yourself a soothing foot bath instead.

28. Because I wanna. Do things and go places that you always wanted to but your ex never did. Anything from ordering from the organic vegan place up the road to a spiritual pilgrimage to Peru, seeing the latest trashy rom-com film to painting your bedroom pink. Do all this while watching Queen’s ‘Don’t stop me now’

29. Read this blog post and this blog post.

30. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like a precious object or like your best friend. If you need to hook up, hook up. If you need to be celibate for 6 months, pleasure yourself. But whatever you do, do not judge yourself and do not listen to what anyone else is saying about “have you met someone yet” blah blah.

31. Breathe deeply. When our body is in shock or severe grief we stop breathing. It’s our body’s way of shutting down and rejecting what we are experiencing. Call back in life force by opening your mouth as wide as possible and breathing a deep breath to the bottom of your belly. Repeat. One breath at a time.

32. See a healer/counselor/therapist. Finding someone objective to help you move through the mine field that is often a break up is a priceless gift you can give yourself.
    

33. Get to know yourself. The secret blessing about breakups is that they are actually an invitation to work on the most important relationship you will ever have… The relationship with yourself. Take yourself to dinner, the movies or cook yourself your favourite meal. Learn to enjoy your own company. If you do, everyone else will too.

Remember that you are awesome, becoming even more awesome and that the way you feel now will not last forever. This is just the bit that comes before things get amazing. The kinder and more true to yourself you are now, the better it will be in the end. And if it’s any consolation, one thing is for sure… girl, your soul is growing.